I wanted to share some new work, taken just this October, after moving into my new apartment in Silverlake. New digs. New neighborhood. New sense of privacy, bedroom and bathroom, and light—thank the gods. It’s good. Still Los Angeles, of course: I haven’t left, and I’m still hanging in here despite a rough, rough couple of months beyond March 2020.
Obviously, I’m doing better than many. I do not want that lost on anybody here… And I’m grateful I could make some positive shifts this year, to make my daily routines more manageable, fulfilling, and life-affirming. I’m happy about that. But this isn’t mean to serve as as “catch-up post.” I really do want to share new work.
for those of you who don’t know, or simply don’t like reading between the lines, i’ve been dating jarid here for nearly a solid year.
jarid. he’s been a muse for longer still. and a love before he was ‘lover,’ thanks to, well, simply being awesome in the ways i like to see awesomeness in the world. he’s curious, he’s beautiful, he’s creative, he’s furious in his need to find his work an outlet and a home. through the early days of our friendship, i got to watch his shyness give way to passionate intensity, measured vulnerability, and intellectual renewal, tearing through books and projects and poems with an (almost) scary disregard for self. i remind him to eat. i remind him he’s enough. And he does these things for me, too.
i’m proud of him and proud to be with him. for someone who has directed two plays since march, written one more, and drafted and redrafted a host of other plays and poems, my own meager efforts to do a shoot here or there must seem small. but jarid is wise enough not to judge anyone based on their utility; in fact, he’s quite vehemently against it (if you happen to talk politics). we’ve been watching our way through “the west wing” together, on netflix, in a long-running series of virtual dates together; we’re talking politics a lot…
one of the coolest things he’s suggested doing—to stay sane—during this pandemic was to watch plays together, put on by london’s national theatre and others. they’re on youtube. never would i have thought of doing this myself; and it’s wonderful to be with someone who expands your horizons a little (or a lot). i think i do the same for him, in some small way. introductions to whisky cocktails count, yes?
i’m afraid this post is turning into a bit of a ramble-a-thon. my thoughts are unorganized.
so let me tell you a little bit about these pictures, my new space, and what i think they showcase about how my work might change with the change in scenery. jarid’s concern for my creative well-being is ever-present. he understands more than anyone else i’ve dated why i need to make things, what demons i am trying to excise, what i believe about images and how they differ and mirror truth. good light seems like it’s been missing from my home for almost four years; and now that it’s here, flung in orange glows, across the afternoon walls, i feel an incredible need to plan my space deliberately and be honest in my work.
what does that mean, in practice? well, i’m embarrassed to say, at almost 39 years-old, that i only just got am actual bed frame. plants i can keep alive. furniture that i like, truly, and that speaks to me. it’s time to be more deliberate, so that i can exist more and be present more. stage and scene.
jarid and i have discussed my goals for this space, the work i want to do here, as he has volunteered to see that i’m using it. during the pandemic, almost all other work has stopped for me (save a shoot here or there). he’s been a kind of creative lifeboat; though it’s impossible to really communicate what loving and being loved does for all other aspects of one’s life. it’s more than inspiration. having him with me keeps me honest…